The past week or so has been pretty complicated and confusing for me, mostly from losing one of my gliders. I've had a lot of time to reflect on everything and I decided that I should share more details as to what happened to the glider to prevent others from making the same mistakes I did. As you can probably tell by looking at this entire hugeness of text, this is going to be a little long of a posting, but I'm pretty sure it's worth it to read to the end.

***Here's the summary, in case you don't want to read my mini novel here: I didn't feed my gliders diligently because I was lazy. My glider got sick and needed a vet. I didn't properly prepare for a sick glider and couldn't take her to the vet. She died. It was my fault and I feel horrible, but now my relationship with my remaining girl is a lot better and I've learned from my mistakes. I'm going to work hard to be a good mommy to my baby girl***

When I got my gliders, I was 14. I had done tons of research on this site and started sharing the knowledge I'd gained - that's how I got my 3(I think) stars of posts. I loved my girls and was a great owner to them. But as time went on and they didn't get close to me, I became hurt and developed the notion that my gliders hated and wanted nothing to do with me. In a way, I gave up on them. I took them around with me for a few months, but I grew tired of feeling like I was a bad person for putting them in this travel pouch when they seemed to hate being there. So I stopped truly interacting with them and just fed them and covered their basic needs. All that time and they never got sick or had any real problems. I had put away some money to be able to take them to a vet in case of an emergency, but then other things came up that I needed more and I made the stupid decision to use that money. I never took them to the vet because it never seemed important. It IS expensive and when I was finally earning money, there was always something that seemed better to use it on. I would have taken them had they gotten sick, but as I said, they never did.

4 years later and it came time for me to go to college. I moved to this tiny town called Cedar City, Utah. I had researched to find an exotics vet, and I actually ended up moving down the road from them, literally a 5 minute walk away. I never called them to establish how truly knowledgeable and qualified they were to treat sugar gliders because I figured I'd take care of that when the time came. Life in Cedar City wasn't so bad. I missed the big city I was used to, including stores like Pet Smart and an actual mall, but the people here are nice and there's never traffic. But then 7 months after moving to Cedar, I lost my job and developed a general anxiety that crippled me. I lost my motivation to do just about anything. It was during that time that I ran out of BML. It was easy to forget about and I didn't feel an immediate need to make more. In the past, there were times where I didn't make BML immediately either. I think the longest I had gone was about 2 weeks. I would just give them lots of veggies instead and didn't think about the consequences much. This time, I went a month without giving them BML. They developed either diarrhea or constipation. That had happened before when I would skip too. I always fixed it with a little pedialyte and pumpkin, as well as finally getting around to make the BML and regulate their systems again. But this time I let the diarrhea go on longer and didn't treat it immediately because it was still easy to put it in the back of my mind.

Around 2 and a half weeks without BML, one of the gliders started to make her constipation noises. They sounded kinda like a slower crab, but louder. I knew it was pain. I ignored it. I noticed her cloaca was swollen or something. Or as if some of her inside might have come outside. I'd noticed a similar look to the cloaca when they were constipated, and it always went back to normal soon after they stopped pushing. But when I kept checking on her, the cloaca was still messed up. It worried me, but still not enough to do what I was supposed to do. By 3 weeks, the noises she made got worse. One day I was in the kitchen and she started to make a new noise - one that REALLY scared me. I looked over and she was rocking back and forth violently. Her noise sounded like crying and pain and probably her own fear. I picked her up and just held her to comfort her. She felt a little cold so I tried to warm her up with my hands. The noise stopped as soon as I picked her up. After a few moments, she started trying to get away from me so I put her back in her cage. I knew at this point that I probably needed to get her to the vet, but at this time, I hadn't had a job for about a month and money was running out fast. I knew I already would have issues paying rent and other bills, so taking the glider to the vet was something that I just couldn't do unless it became evident that her life was in serious danger. And since she was acting normal again, I felt optimistic that she would be fine.

I finally got myself to make the BML. I added extra chicken, an egg, an apple, and a lot of pumpkin to the mix to help get in those nutrients that I knew the gliders were missing. When I gave them their dinner, I noticed that one of the gliders seemed to have less energy. I was hoping the food would make her feel better. I had tent time with them that night, for the first night in probably a few years. I tried to see if one of them still had the bad cloaca and both of their cloacas looked normal so I became really happy, thinking that they were starting to get better. But then the next night, I noticed that one of the gliders was still lethargic and instead of eating, this glider was just sitting on the food dishes. I thought that was strange but figured she must still be alright.

The next day, around 5 PM, I happened to look at the cage and I saw a glider just lying on one of the metal bridges in the cage. I immediately ran over to her, thinking that she was dead. When I opened the door, she opened her eyes and moved a little. When I picked her up, she offered no resistance. I thought back to the night before and realized she probably hadn't eaten recently and might be developing hind leg paralysis. At this point I knew she was in a horrible place and it was time to get her to a vet, even if money was running low. But then I called the vet and they told me they weren't sure if they treated sugar gliders. They said they had to ask the vet himself and call me back. While I waited, I Googled exotic vets in Cedar and nothing came up. I started to call around and no one knew of a vet that did treat sugar gliders. At this point I felt like it would be better to wait for the vet to call me back, so I went to Walmart, got some fruit, and then went to the local pet store to try to get some yogies to increase her calcium, as well as a syringe to force feed her. I gave her a piece of a strawberry. She bit it a couple of times and started licking at it, but would stop after a few moments and start falling asleep. I kept trying to get her to eat it but she just wouldn't.

At this point, I rushed home to use the syringe to put some pedialyte into her system. I gave her a small amount. She didn't want to drink it, but I got her to. I finally got the call back from the vet and they didn't treat gliders, nor did they know anyone who did. I expanded my search to the next nearest city which is a 50 minute drive away. At this point it was about 6:30 and I knew most vets would be closed. I couldn't find an exotics vet there and when I called an emergency clinic, they told me no one treated gliders in that city and that I'd probably have to drive to Las Vegas (which is about 3 hours away from me). At that hour, with the money I didn't have weighing on my mind, I knew that I wouldn't be able to get her to a vet that night. I also had a feeling that if I tried to make the drive, she would die on the way. So I decided to wait out the night. I tried frantically calling and searching for anyone in Cedar that could help me. I got on the phone with a vet who didn't have enough experience with gliders to feel comfortable treating mine. He told me to basically give her food and water, and he wished me luck.

At this point I knew that there was not much more that I could do. I needed more help, someone who had more experience with sick gliders than I did. I didn't want to get back on sugarglider.com. It had been years since I had last posting something here and I was afraid to admit that I messed up big time and I was worried that people would judge me. But my glider needed help and I didn't have anywhere else to go, so I sucked it up and posted my plea.

She was so dirty - her tail and body had ended up in her food, and I wanted her to be clean. I decided to give her a bath to make her all clean, hoping for a fresh start in a way. I briefly thought to something I had read 5 years ago about baths being bad for gliders, but I thought that this one would be okay. I barely put any water in the sink to ensure she didn't start to drown. The bath was only a minute long. She had fought to get out of the water but she just didn't have the strength to fight my hand. I removed her promptly and wrapped her in a towel to start the drying process. She fell asleep there for a moment, and when I began to move the towel to keep drying her off, she didn't do too much. She would start to try and get away, but then I'd wrap her up again and she'd fall asleep.

Then I noticed her poop. It was bloody and looked similar to BML. At this point I started to feel like panicking.

I checked on my post. The responses made me feel abandoned because a lot of them were saying "take her to the vet", which was something that just couldn't be done at that point, and I had explained that in my post. Finally, someone said to get some more fluids in her. So I took up the syringe again and started putting some pedialyte in her mouth. When it would start to drip out of her mouth, I'd stop and wait for her to swallow. Then she finally would and I would put more in her mouth. She had started making this noise that resembled something I frequently hear when the gliders are waking up, kind of like a hissing noise. I didn't know what to think of it.

As I was putting a little more pedialyte into her mouth, she suddenly started acting weird, with her limbs kind of flailing a little. And then she started to curl up into a little ball. I didn't know if she was trying to sleep or something, but I had a feeling that this was bad. Something told me that she was dead. I put my ear to her chest and heard nothing. I starting calling out to her, telling her to stay with me, to come back. I was waiting desperately for her to move again but she didn't. I started to put my finger on her chest and do little compressions, trying to revive her heart. Still nothing. After a few minutes I knew without a doubt that my little girl was dead.

I felt so sick and horrible. That glider died because of me. As a direct result of my stupidity and laziness. Her last days were probably painful and scary, and it was my fault. More than just the one girl suffering, I still had a glider that would now be missing the sister she had spent her entire life with.

I thought about how to proceed. I had two options - find a new home for the remaining glider, or give a new home to another glider. Option one would be smart for many reasons. But I suddenly had this great protectiveness over the glider that was still in my care. I felt like I just couldn't give her to someone else. She's my responsibility to love and to cherish. So I started my search for a new friend.

Over the past week or so, I've kept Rose (the living glider) on me at most times. I've been diligent at feeding her and ensuring she eats. I give her lots of attention while trying to not overwhelm her or cross her boundaries. And the strange thing is, she's a lot sweeter now. With her sister, she would bite at me, crab a lot more, always try to escape her bonding pouch, and run back to the cage as fast as she could. Now, she sits and watches me without running. She lets me pet her, and she hasn't nipped me once. She doesn't try to get out of the pouch at all. My relationship with her is already an incredible amount better than it was just two weeks ago. It's sad, and odd, but her sister dying is kind of turning out to be a good thing. It's horrible, and I would trade my relationship with Rose if it would get her her sister back, but it's true.

I've started checking on posts on the site, kind of getting back into my glider groove. I want to be a part of the community here again so that I can help a lot of people, but I feel like no one wants the advice of a girl who caused her glider to die. I probably wouldn't want that advice either. I also feel judged. I noticed a topic on here about getting gliders to vets and I'm 99% positive some of the responses were about me and my bad care taking. I'm also pretty sure that the topic was spurred on by me. Everyone has a right to get mad about people not giving their gliders proper care. I just hate feeling judged. I honestly would have gotten her to a vet if it was possible but it wasn't. Yes, I put myself in that situation, but I know people would have been really happy with me if I had succeeded in getting her to the vet, prep or no prep. I'm kind of hurt that the fact that I tried to potentially means nothing because I failed. I guess I kind of need reassurance that people still want my input and knowledge on this site, so I know if I respond that I'm not wasting my time or my desire to truly help others. That's honestly why I wrote this - so that others can learn.

The moral of this story is that gliders need constant care and commitment. You have to be willing to spend hours with them daily, and you have to be willing to make them food about every two weeks at least, for the next 9 or so years. But if you do make a mistake, or even hundreds of mistakes, it doesn't mean everything is over. You just have to learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others to ensure it doesn't happen again. I made a lot of stupid mistakes, things that really affected the lives of my gliders, who had done absolutely nothing to deserve it. But I'm proud that I can admit my mistakes, especially to the public like this, and that I can be positive that I will never make those mistakes again. I just hope that my post will help others see how fragile gliders can be, and how important it is to be completely positive that you're willing to commit to these incredible creatures.

Thanks to those that read all of the way! I appreciate your time and the strength it takes to read something this big on a forum.


RIP, my darling Lila

:( I think I read you original post.....my opinion (2 cents) you made mistakes learn from them....I think alot of people may judge you but you don't know them and they don't know you.... You have made dangerous mistakes that ended in you glider dying....so if you can offer advice based on going through it, then offer anything that may help the next person!!!! If they care enough to follow it then great if not then hopefully they won't have a bad ending as you did.... We can all learn from others mistakes!

You aren't the first nor, sadly, will you be the last person whose neglect of an animal directly relates to their death. I'm very sad for your loss and find you to be quite brave to confront and admit your own failings, not only publicly, but to your own worst critic...yourself. I am several decades older than you and in a financially stable position, yet the last of my ferrets died last year because I got lazy and stopped paying close attention to what was going on with her. I could probably write a post almost as long as yours on this topic, but the details and justifications don't matter. What does matter was that I neglected her and ended up in the vets office euthanizing her while sobbing and apologizing for being a bad mom to her. It was heartbreaking.

I hope you aren't judged too harshly for what happened, I doubt there is anyone here who hasn't made a tragic mistake at some point in their lives. I hope you will stick around the forum, learn from and teach others and be a great mom to Rose. All my best to you {{{hugs}}}.

-Ann

first of all, I want to say how truly sorry I am for your loss. even if it was your fault to some degree, that doesn't make the loss any less painful - if anything, it makes it far, far worse.

it takes tremendous courage to own up to your mistakes and short-comings the way you have in this thread... and I can only hope that doing so has, in some small way, proven cathartic and lessened the burden you'll probably always carry to some degree over what happened to your precious Lila.

perhaps the most important lesson to be learned from all of this is that it's time for you to find a good psychiatrist and address the roots of the problems. depression (which it sounds like you've been experiencing), especially coupled with severe anxiety, can be utterly crippling... anyone without personal experience with those problems would be inclined to ask "well, why didn't you just do it if you knew you needed to?"... but sometimes the depression/anxiety gets so overwhelming that for some reason the simplest, most obvious things become just too much to deal with. you know it doesn't make sense and you know you have no logical reason for not getting off your butt and doing what you need to do... and yet, instead of dealing with things, you get overwhelmed and hide from everything, as if somehow that will make it all go away.

I suffer from bipolar disorder (type 2, meaning primarily depression phases) and severe anxiety, so I know all too well how easy it becomes to just hide from everything and let even the most important tasks slip through the cracks. it's far too easy to fall into the trap of constantly telling yourself "I'll deal with it tomorrow"... only to have "tomorrow" slip away from you before you know it.

there's no shame in seeking help - it certainly can't hurt, and it might even help. while I can't say it's worked miracles for me, it's definitely made a difference.

I realize I'm a total stranger to you... but if you ever feel yourself going down a bad path again and would like the moral support of someone who truly understands what you're going through, you're more than welcome to PM me, email me (imbri83@yahoo.com) or text me (210-279-7504).

Thanks everyone for your support, especially Imbrium. I might take you up on your offer because it really can help to have someone to talk to. I do suffer from depression, as I have my whole life, and I've always fought off the need for treatment, feeling like I was weak if I needed it. But once I had the anxiety start up, I went to the doctor and got on some meds to treat both. They've definitely helped get me going. I honestly should see a psychiatrist too, but that's getting further down my priority list as other, more imminent issues come to hand, like needing to go get another glider. Oddly enough, the entire experience has refueled my life. Instead of just sitting around the house, I've been going outside more, especially with Rose. I've become diligent in my care towards her, knowing how much she truly matters to me and how close I want to be to her. I've also started a frenzy of sewing cage sets, which is giving me a bit more confidence. I feel proud to know that my baby is now sleeping in the most adorable pouches that I personally made for her.

I'm definitely going to offer the knowledge I have while I can. My memories are a little rusty right now, and there's always so much to learn, but I'm sure within a week or two my advice will be back up to where it was in the beginning. It's also good for me to see the latest news on gliders (like the fact that wodent wheels aren't actually that safe - when did that happen?!). Thanks again for your support! I really do appreciate it.

I too, have fought the need for treatment... though not so much because I saw it as a sign of weakness - more that nothing ever worked and I'd just give up after a while (anti-depressants either do nothing or make me manic, and most bipolar meds I've been on have done nothing for me). abilify was a *godsend* the first three weeks or so I was on it - no highs or lows, just NORMAL... but then it stopped working and despite trying all sorts of different things, it never got back to what it was at the start :(. the really frustrating thing with being bipolar is that it's intermittent - meaning if you're not experiencing the highs/lows for a while, you can't say for sure that it's due to medication; I've been on a couple of them for a few months that "seemed" to be working... until it became obvious that they weren't ><

animals really can do a lot to help you cope with anxiety and depression. there are days where I just can't be bothered to get out of bed for any length of time... but I still make myself get up to feed everyone and spend some time with them.

my beloved kitty, who I had from the time she was three months old, passed away a bit over two years ago... and I just couldn't bring myself to get another cat (plus my house was an utter disaster from depression wrecking havoc on it... bit of a catch-22 - I needed a pet to give me incentive to deal with it all, yet I needed to deal with it before I could get another kitty). last July, I arbitrarily woke up one day and decided "I'm getting a bunny today!" lol... a crash-course of research (since it'd been 20 years since I'd had a bunny and SO much has changed), a trip to Petsmart to buy all the supplies to get started and then I was off to get my new pets - by the end of the day, I had Nala and Gaz. they were fine in a store-bought cage at first, as they were 8 weeks old... but within a day or two, I'd cleared space so that they could have a big playpen to exercise in. after that, I overhauled my entire living room, built them a MASSIVE NIC condo, fenced in the living room to be their permanent space so that they were never stuck in their cage, etc. those bunnies made all the difference in the world for me; as have my gliders, which I got a few months later.

as for wodent wheels... my issue is less that they're potentially unsafe and more that they just don't let a glider run the way they want to :P

My husband suffers from terrible anxiety and so does his son (my stepson) and I have suffered from depression for most of my life. I didn't get on meds until I was in my early 40's...far later than I should have! Hubby is on Paxil...I doubt he could function without it. A few years ago, shortly after his mom's sudden death, he had a massive panic attack that lasted for weeks. During that time he ended up quitting his 6 figure salary job (without any financial planning on our part) and we were left to make it on my salary alone, which was exactly half of what he was making. Everything worked out in the end, but it took him an entire year to find a job - at a 10% pay cut from his prior position. The point I'm attempting to make is mental illness can be very challenging and, if left untreated, can ruin lives. Make sure you do all you can to get the best treatment available. Don't put it on the back burner because you think there are more pressing issues...nothing is more important than your health! Without it nothing else matters!!

I really think that gliders are the best pet for people with anxiety/depression. I have terrible anxiety problems, and they bog me down so badly. Having a glider has been the best therapy I could ever get. I am really happy that you made the decision to keep your glider. They are constructive pets, and the challenges they provide help us to learn and develop in a way that other animals can not stimulate. You are a brave person! Good luck to you!

You've already paid a terrible consequence for your actions or lack of and as said already, you owned up to it, regret it, and learned from it. Good can come from bad, you have made steps to turn this around to benefit your existing pets, any new pets, yourself, and others. I'm so sorry for your loss and wish you the best.

As awful as what happened was, I believe the brutal honesty of your story will help many and though your baby did not make it,her little life and suffering will not be in vain! Because by you shareing your story, you could save many little lives and each one saved will carry a tiny bit of her spirit! You could not find a better way to make it up to her and honor her than that!! I wish you well!!

Im so sorry about your loss. I recently lost a glider earlier this year. She was the smaller of my two gliders and she wasnt getting enough food since the one was hogging it and it got a little too cold in the house one night and it did her in. I know run a heater on the cage set at 75 degrees and got a new buddy for her. What you could do so you dont feel the need to get lazy is you can make batches of her food. I dont do the bml I do hpw but I cut up a bunch of fruits and veggies mix them all together in a container and freeze it. That way I only have to scoop out enough for each night and its lasted me already a month and Im only half way down.I also make a batch of my hpw and freeze them in little ice cubes and put them in a bag.Not sure if it would work for you but it works for me. I think alot of the people on this website can be a little too judgemental,this sight is supposed to be for information not for drama. If you ever need to talk to someone you can also send me a message or email me at rodeoprincessqueen@yahoo.com or you can add me to facebook as well,just email me and I can send you my facebook link.

I have only been a glider mom for about 4 months now. I read somewhere (before we picked up our babies) to make sure you have a vet right away because of this exact reason. Even though I got my babies from my cousin, I took them to the vet for a check and to get them in their system. Just to make sure I was covered just in case. I am so, so sorry for your loss. The only thing you can do is pick yourself back up and move forward in a positive direction with your surviving fur baby, which it sounds like what you are doing. Depression and anxiety is horrible, my 12 year old daughter and I both suffer from anxiety and the gliders are doing wonders for us. You two can help each other through this! Thank you for sharing!