Off topic but you all are part of my life and I need to say something because I feel like I just need to talk to someone.

I don't have a relationship with my oldest daughter.

I have managed to find a number of blogs and such that she writes and just now I came across a new one and in it she speaks about me and about when she was a child a few things that she THINKS did or did not happen - and I tell you she's got it all wrong.

I have always felt over the years that her grandparents and her birth father feed her crap about me and then I see things like this and I want to post a reply to what she writes and tell her she's wrong - but it's none of my business, but I've made it my business because I actively search for and read it all. Like for instance she publicly disowned me several years ago and then she writes last year that I walked out of her life - can't have it both ways my dear!

I'm mad and sad but pieces to the larger puzzle are starting to come together so I'm having "aha" moments. Gawd I just don't know what to do other than what I keep doing and that is to take a deep breath and say life is short and it just doesn't matter.

I seek out what she posts because I am able to see pictures of her two, soon to be three, children. Who doesn't want to see pictures of their grand-babies?

At the same time I am able to see her make mistakes of her own, and it makes me feel not-quite-so-stupid for mistakes I've made. Like she and her husband are in to domination/submission and she posts all kinds of sexual things and even photos of them having sex, which to me is just something you don't post on the internet!

So it drives me crazy sometimes but gives me peace sometimes.

But right now I am really shaken. This is something I wouldn't talk about to someone other than friends like you because everyone else I know knows her.

Crap.

Hi Indigo,
i didn't want to read and run :(. i am sorry there is such a distance between your daughter and yourself. all families go through their rough times, i am sorry i cant help but would say just be there for her if/when she does want you back in her life.

I have two older step sons whom I have been with since they were 5 k 2 now they are 21 and 19, the oldest one treated me bad as a child and I paid no attention to it and jet let it go, he has been gone almost 3 yrs and now calls and text me, so we have a better relationship, however the younger one is a little more difficult he has given me a hard time and we do not speak now, ( which really doesn't bother me) but I am waiting on the day when he tells me he is sorry for the way he treated me, give it some time, I am sure she will realize it one day and if she doesnt. then it is her loss, sorry you have to go though this, hopefully it will get easier. Your doing the right thing here, and f she wants to ruin herself by posting those kind of things on the Internet about herself then let iher and don't let it bother you ( easier said than done) I am sure you have heard of tough love and that is what I have had to learn to do. Good luck

Well I am a daughter so the worst thing for a mom to do at least in my experience is for you to spill your guts about your childhood and then for her to backhand you and tell you that you are wrong. It is like you are still a child and as if you are basically being told "You are how old and you still aren't rational or smart or wise or etc. enough to be an adult". Whatever has happened between the two of you if you want a relationship with her then you have to look at things from her shoes, if she was fed BS about you then it isn't her fault....if you did things for her own good she may have not seen it through your eyes...etc. I maybe wrong but it is possible neither of you have put the shoe of the others on. If I were you I would hand write her a letter. In it talk about why she is important to you now and when she was a kid, tell her how you felt you needed to defend yourself from other loved ones in her life [tell her why you felt this way, what transpired, how you adore those people for caring for her even though, etc.], and make sure to ask her how she feels about you, what you can do to be more active in her life, if it is possible to make up for old times as you were only human and at that a first time mom. She is more than welcome to deny your request but tell her that is okay and no matter what that for her and her children you will be there.

If it were me I would like this letter even if it was knitty gritty as long as you do not mention/hint at reading her blog [AKA diary], tell her she is wrong, or insult other people she loves. Granted your daughter maybe a different person than me but it is certainly worth a try.

Best wishes.