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acquila's Journal

Oct 9, 2008

 I'm thinking about living in my backyard!

I'm thinking about buying a huge tent, getting a tarp and putting over the tent( to make sure there wont be any rain) and I'm thinking about moving out there, taking apart my bed, and dresser and desk and putting it all out there, why? because ( this might be long) i used to have four goldens ( oh ya, I love dogs!, two were a rescue situation)and my youn ger sister ( not living with us now) had one also, well when we left the house, waiting for my dad to get served the restraining orders, he had two of my full grown goldens in the house, my other two, and my sisters where in two big dog runs outside, me my mom and all seven of my siblings where staying in this two room apartment at my uncles, ( he built it over his huge shop/garage), my adult female golden ( patience) had nine pups 8 weeks before, and when we left the house, my dad threatend that if i leave with my mom, he would feed or take care of the pups, ( I already had homes for eight of them lined up, and I didn't want anything happening to them) so I took them with me ( you know how heavy a box of 9 pups are?) and got one of those puppy pens, and put a tarp with cedar sheddings in it, I couldn't take the mother, their yard wasn't fenced and it was right by a highway, and I couldn't lock her in the shop. so I left her at home with the pups dad, and my pathetic exuse for a father. we have a huge fenced back yard, and later my dad told me he would let my dogs out to use the bathroom, when they needed it, my dogs are very well potty trained. well after three days of being gone, my dad was finally out of the house, and we came home to find a ton of dog poop in the family room/kids room. he didn't let them out once! and i left about a weeks worth of dog food in my room, with 3 big bowls of water, because i knew my dad wouldn't feed/water them. so anyways,about a week later my dad called my mom and threatend to call csd, because there was dog crap in the kid's room ( we haden't ripped out the carpet yet, and their were stains, lots of them) so my mom said I need to get rid of two of my dogs and I can keep two, ( my sisters golden was already with my dad. at this point i no longer talked to my dad ( he made me give him $850.00 for allowing me to let my dog have puppies, and for all the trouble he had to go through to take care of them. ( I paid for the food, vets flea meds and everything for the pups and for my dogs, I always have.) soo, had a hard decision to make, and in the end i decided to keep patience and hope ( a 9 month old almost white retriever) and I found homes for my other two, at this point all the dogs were in the two dog runs, pared up patience, and jake, and hope and courage, anyways I found a very loving home for jake and the people were coming in a couple days to pick him up, their kid has wanted a golden, it was a perfect fit. and two days before they came to pick up jake, a nice couple came and picked up courage, that night i went outside to play ball with hope, I was crying really bad, cause jake was leaving in two days. well the next day I take my two younger siblings to the bus stop, and I notice hope wasn't barking, ( she usually barks when I walk out in front, she can see me through the kennel and the side gate) so after the kids get on the bus, I go into the kennel to feed her, and I find her in one of the three dog houses...dead. two of the dog houses had blankets and cedar shavings, the one she was in didn't have either, it was an extra one. I still don't understand why she was in that dog house, anyways we weren't watching any news or anything the last couple days, so we missed the part were it was going to be freezing! she froze to death, and its my fault, I should have thought, that she wouldn't have another dog for body heat, I couldn't of put her in with the other two though, because jake didn't get along with her, but if i thought about it and remembered she was going to be alone I would have snuck her in. I was probably standing there for ten mintues, and then my mom called me cause she was leaving for work, I decided not to tell her, she was already stressed enough, so I wen't and told her good bye, and gave the baby a bottle, ( she couldn't tell anything was wrong, I'm very good at hiding my emotions) and then I went out there and burried her. my cousin, shes 30 told me a month before this happended, if i ever need to get away from the house just to call her, well about 5pm all the kids were home they weren't listening to me, and i couldn't take it, so i called her and she came and picked me up, on the way to my uncles, I told her, I didn't want to, but its hard keeping that to your self, and I told her not to tell my mom, but around 9 when my mom got off work she came to my uncles to pick me up. my cousin was outside when she pulled up, and when my mom got into the house, she new. she was balling, she blames herself, for making them stay outside. anyways she told me I can't tell my younger sister ( liz) at the time she was my best friend, my mom said if my dad heard about it he would probably try and turn my mom in for animal neglect. so the next day I met the people who would take jake, I was thinking about explaning th situation and asking for him back, but i couldn't, their happy faces, I couldn't tell them no, they would be sooo sad. so after he left my mom and i went back to my uncles and he asked were i burried her, and when i told him his face dropped, I burried her in a place, that within a year she would be unburried, it was in sand, and it shifts alot, so I got to unburrie her and reburrie her. Its hard enough burring your dog once, but twice, i almost gave up.
a few months later i saw an ad for a golkden retriever female, it looked just like hope and my cousin, and uncle thought it would be a good idea to get her, it would give me something to do, other than focouse on the divorce. so I got her and named her Promise. Now that we are cought up, my mom said they can be inside dogs, now promise is ten months, she is small for a golden, and so is patience, well know my mom said they have to be outside dogs, cause of the dog hair! I'm soo mad at her, I'm really thinking about packing up and moving into the backyard, the only thing is, I think it would be too cold for the gliders, I need to look into it, cause I'm done, with my mom telling me one thing and not following through, about 5 months ago, she said when she gets a boyfriend I could get a horse ( I would stable it at the local stbale) well she thought she wouldn't get a boyfriend, but she has one, and now there thinking of getting married, I told her I'll have mercy on her and not get a horse and just get a gsd. but I'm not going to get one cause she said no more animals at all. and the two dogs i have our outside! she is breaking two promises, I don't care about the horse promise, cause I don't need another animal, but I do care about making my dogs outside dogs, they are both good dogs, sometimes the puppy get excited, but after I give her a walk she is fine. I have a job, sometimes its full time sometimes its half ( thats how I can barely afford to keep my pets (kids)) it depends on who needs what days off, and I was fine with my dogs being in the kennel outside when i'm at work, but now they are outside when i get home, and I'm not seeing them much except on my days off. i don't know what to do, Ive tried talking to my mom about it, but all she wan'ts to talk about is her bf/fiancee.

the reason I'm thinking about living in a tent is soo, i can spend time with my dogs.

if you read this any opinion on the tent idea with gliders? my cage has a fleece cover i made, and I can make double-triple lined fleece?

sorry this is soo long, my cousin thinks its a good idea if i write stuff like this down. so I am.

Sep 17, 2008

 my life is soo stressfull, sometimes I don't think its worth it.

WOW, my life is soo screwed up, my parents just got into a divorce, I don't talk to my dad, my mom met someone, and they just love eachother, they are already talking about getting married in six months, my mom and sister fight all the time ( they yell scream call eachother every name in the book) the last two days I have somehow ended up in their fights ( I try my hardest to stay out, but the last two nights I ended up in them) then I end up fighting with both of them. there are eight kids in my family, I am the oldest ( 17) which means more responsibility for me, there is a lot of drama at the place that I work, fights, romances, ect. ( I work at the local A&W) so I go to work and come home to more stress. my sister is constantly saying she hates our family, she wants to live with her dad but she never goes and stays full time with him, my sister Liz, and I use to be soo close we could tell eachother anything, Our dad was abusive when he lived here, and that I think helped us bond, we used to spend hours, plotting to run away, or get rid of him, and other stuff, now she thinks the world of him because he has become the " disnyland dad" and he isn't abusive anymore...yet. yesterday the babysitter was sick and knowone could watch the two youngest kids ( they are to young to go to school) and I had a half hour before I had to be to work, ( I ride my bike to work) it takes about a half an hour to get there:( so my mom asked her bosses if she couls take the day off, and she came home, I felt like she was mad at me, and I felt very bad, so I gave her my gift card ( it had 25 bucks on it). I was 20 minutes late... I work really hard at work, If i work in the morning, I'm th only person there for two hours and we have three lists of things to get done, I get them all done except for one thing ( everyone else only gets one list done, cause they don't want to do all the work) I know this cause they told me, well there is some one there who doesn't like me, and I leave her one thing to do, and she flips oput on me, most of us are young under 23, and she is forty, and she is crazy, even one of the bosses thinks so, she flips out all the time on us. anyway...I always clean the house for my mom, ( its messy alot, with eight kids who don't do crap!) and I'm always babysitting,if its my day off I babysit, I babysit before I go to work ( before the babysitter comes and picks them up) the babysitter is my 30 year old cousin, my mom and her disagree on alot of things, and I get to hear both ends of it, ( they both talk about their side of the fight to me.

right know I get my own room, and two of my sisters share another room, and the rest share a huge family room/den, turned into a bedroom, and the two little one are in my moms room, but now this guy my mom met, he is really nice but, they are talking about renting a place in the next town over, where he lives, and it might not allow animals, my mom is soo in love with this guy, that I think she would make me get rid of my animals ( I have tywo dogs and three gliders) and I probably won't get my own room, because it sounds like he will be paying for at least half of the rent. ( I really need my own room, its the cleanest place in the house and I go there every chance I get to try and relax), I'm sorry I'm jumping all over the page and going from One thing to the next, but I'm verry upset and stressed.
I have diabetes, type one ( with the shots) and my blood has been up in the 3 and 4 hundreds, thats really bad.

I try to be a good person, I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, I'm not the typical teenager, I don't give a crap about new clothes or brands, ( I shop on ebay or at garage sales, thats my own choice), I'm homeschooled ( thats my chioce also) I help my mom out the best I can, by watching the kids, cleaning up the house, fixing things, buying her things ( I bought her a brand new dishwasher about six months ago, cause hers broke and she couldn't afford a new one) I also helped her out with some of the bills a few months ago. but sometimes she gets mad at me for little things, like today she asked if I could get cought up on the laundry, its my day off and the babysitter is still sicvk so I'm watching my two siblings ( a fou year old) and a year old , he is crawling, so its hard to make sure he doesn't get anything in his mouth. anyways I got most of the laundry folded, ( there was about six big baskets of clothes) but I only got one load started ( I kept forgetting to start them) nand she got mad at me, she said she was very disapointed. It really hurts me when she get disapointed or mad at me cause I try really hard.

I'm sorry I'll stop now, Its just I feel sooo stressed, and the thought of moving and having to get rid of my animals, makes me very sad, I used to have four dogs, but had to get rid of two, and then oine of them died, so I got another one, so thats how I have two, but the thought of loosing them makes me want to die, Ive already decided that if that happens I'm going to kill myself, cause life is not worth living without my animals, they are the only reason I keep on living.

I'm sorry, this is soo long and messed up.
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 About Me

avatar acquila
Gender: Female
Occupation:baby sitter/ student
Member since: May 20, 2008
Posts: 229
My Pictures View my pictures!
GliderMap I'm on the map!
My Hobbies
Dogs, sugar gliders, sewing, crafts, drawing, the list goes on and on...
My News
just got a glider
Favorite Quote
I have a few favorites... what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. lifes a bitch, then you die.
My Bio
hello, I am 18, still living with my mom ( strying to save so I can move out) I work as a busser/waitress, sometimes 30 hrs a week sometimes 10...depends on the week. I have 3 dogs, two Golden retrievers and a Goldendoodle ( Golden/Poodle mix) a cat who I bottle fed since week one. and now a Sugar glider joey! you will almost always see me with one of my pets, they are like a security blanket, and yes I am aware that many people think i'm weird cause Im always with a pet, but I don't care! send me an e-mail! tell me about you and your pets, if your going through a hard time and want to talk just e-mail...I'm a good listener! Hope to talk to you soon!